Baseball measures everything. Apparently, nobody checked the nine-month projection. The Padres family grew, but their playoff victories didn’t.
The Riff. October 8, 2026
Two Padres pitchers, Walker Buehler and Mason Miller, went on paternity leave during their playoff series against Milwaukee. Buehler returned Monday. Miller missed Tuesday’s game and returned Wednesday.
Congratulations to both families.
Also, shouldn’t baseball players plan their nookie a little better?
October is on the calendar. It’s been there for years. This isn’t one of those surprise months they announce shortly before it happens.
These teams spend an extraordinary amount of time preparing for October. They study opposing hitters, monitor workloads, and employ people who can tell you what a batter does against a left-handed slider after sunset when the count is one and two.
Somewhere in that building, surely someone owns a calendar.
Baseball measures launch angle, exit velocity, spin rate, and how far a man runs before deciding he should have stayed where he was. There are cameras watching everything. Computers analyzing everything. A guy with a tablet explaining why the thing you just saw happen was statistically unlikely to happen.
Apparently, nobody checked the nine-month projection.
You’re trying to get to October. Maybe take a look at January.
I picture the preseason meeting. The manager talks about commitment. The general manager talks about building a championship roster. Someone says they’re expecting a big October.
So is your wife.
That feels like information everybody should have before ordering the promotional banners.
A team has a pitching coach, a hitting coach, and a bench coach. There are strength coaches, trainers, and people whose entire job seems to involve standing near the dugout holding something.
Maybe add a calendar coach.
Nothing elaborate. Just a man who walks through the clubhouse in January, taps the wall calendar, and says, “Gentlemen. Count forward.”
He could have a tablet. That would help him fit in.
Of course, babies aren’t particularly interested in baseball schedules. You can explain the importance of the postseason all you want. A baby will arrive when a baby arrives, then immediately demand to be fed during whatever inning you were hoping to watch.
They don’t respect the pitch clock, either.
And yes, a father should be there for the birth of his child. Absolutely. I’m just enjoying the idea that an organization capable of planning a bullpen matchup three innings in advance has been outmaneuvered by January date night.
Somewhere, a front-office employee has spent six months preparing a spreadsheet that accounts for every possible October contingency.
Except that one.
Rain delay? Covered. Extra innings? Covered. Starting pitcher gets knocked out in the second? There’s a tab for that.
Starting pitcher’s wife gets to nine centimeters?
We’re going to need another tab.
There’s also something wonderfully baseball about calling it paternity leave. Like the man submitted a vacation request during the busiest week of the year.
“Any chance you could move this to November?”
I would pay to watch somebody ask his wife that.
Preferably from behind protective glass.
Meanwhile, the baby gets a terrific origin story. Most of us arrived on some ordinary Tuesday. These kids can someday say, “Dad missed a playoff game because of me.”
That’s a substantial opening move. You haven’t learned to hold your own head up, and you’ve already affected bullpen availability.
By kindergarten, you should have an agent.
The Padres, meanwhile, can celebrate their growing families. More little jerseys. More proud fathers. More adorable photographs of a newborn tucked into a baseball glove that probably costs more than my first car.
All lovely things.
But next January, when somebody puts on romantic music and says, “We’ve got the whole evening,” perhaps take a quick glance at the schedule.
October is on the calendar.
And apparently, so was everybody else.
Don’t Pick What I Pick
Yesterday went 2–3. FIU and the Dodgers did their part. The White Sox, Jacksonville State, and the Aces took a different approach.
Running record: 1,130–1,132–8
Tennis: 1–1
Today’s Picks
- Cowboys −7.5 vs. Buccaneers. Pass at −8.5.
- South Florida +7 at UTSA. We want the full touchdown.
- Lightning moneyline vs. Wild.
- Golden Knights moneyline vs. Maple Leafs.
Four picks. Two football games, two hockey games. Hopefully, everybody checked the calendar.
