Apparently, My Soul Patch Didn’t Like the Monologue.

I criticized an SNL performance. The replies reviewed my age, career, sports teams, and soul patch—and suggested a future in feline knitwear. Apparently, my chin needs representation.

I commented on a comedian. The internet reviewed everything below my profile picture.

The Riff. October 12, 2026

Perhaps I’ve found Shane Gillis funny before. I didn’t find a particular Saturday Night Live performance funny, and I made the mistake of mentioning this on Threads.

Several people explained that he sells out arenas.

This was useful information, although it did not improve the joke.

I also contributed some political bait. I expected people to argue about it. I was slightly surprised when they wanted to discuss my chin.

Within hours, strangers had reviewed my age, career, sports allegiances, and soul patch. One gentleman suggested that I knit little sweaters for cats.

Apparently, I hadn’t commented on a comedian. I had requested a comprehensive lifestyle assessment.

Read the full Riff and today’s sports picks on benzojones on Substack.

BUT WAIT There’s more