Starbucks says it isn’t buying Chipotle. Somewhere, a Sharpie can relax.
The Riff. October 13, 2026
Both companies sell beans. I can see how somebody looking at a spreadsheet might consider that a promising start.
But these are different beans, and I would like that distinction preserved through lunch.
“Would you like those beans ground?”
“No. I’d like them next to the rice.”
And if something breaks at Chipotle, are they going to make me an Americano burrito?
“We’re out of rice, so we’ve added hot water.”
Before anyone discusses financing, we should find a Sharpie that can spell my name wrong on crushed tin foil.
