Apparently Brothels Are Fine. Bertie Is the Problem.
There are very few places where you can wake up, gamble on Korean baseball before breakfast, buy a machine gun by lunch, get married to someone you met at a blackjack table by dinner, get divorced to that same person after you find someone new at the Buffalo machine, and still have enough time to make a few questionable decisions before bed.
I Can Predict a Hit Song. Baseball Remains a Problem.
I have discovered that I have a superpower. One that doesn’t involve coffee consumption.
Apparently You Need a License to Predict the Future
Which raises some uncomfortable questions about what Bertie and I have been doing every morning.
I Live at Starbucks Now
The coffee is ready when it’s ready. Apparently, so is my car. Also, this article contains this phrase: “coincidentally may be the only phrase you can utter at both a drag race and a Baseball game.” If that doesn’t want to make you read it, I don’t know what will.
My Muscles Have Unionized
A new personal trainer woke up body parts that had been peacefully retired for 20 years. They are not pleased.
The Internet Has Unicorns. Starbucks Has a Button Problem.
Yesterday’s picks needed an autopsy. Today’s card needs three games. And apparently ordering regular coffee is now an edge case.
Tires Have Apparently Reached Peak Technology
We can connect a coffee maker to the internet, but one nail can still destroy your Sunday morning.
The Suck Rule Has Been Activated
SeaWorld has changed, Robert Stock found competence, and apparently we’re now betting on people because they might finally stop being terrible.
I Was Better At This Before Artificial Intelligence
An argument between a man, his AI, and some numbers that Bertie would prefer not be entered into evidence.
The Internet Gods Made Me a LARQ Evangelist
LARQ has absolutely no idea I’m doing this. They haven’t sent me anything, there is no promo code and nobody has offered me three cents every time one of you buys a water bottle.