NASA launched a telescope nine months early to investigate the 95% of the universe we barely understand. We went 3-1 and discovered something equally mysterious: maybe listen when Dustin May makes you nervous. Today: four picks, two F5s, one Coors science experiment.

Hotel breakfast waffle machines are apparently issued with the building permit, along with fire extinguishers and an ice machine digesting a Meat Lovers Pizza. Meanwhile, we finally went 2-1, tennis remains a protected historical artifact, and today we’re back with four MLB moneylines. Positively Waffleicious.

I saw a car with a sticker that said, “DON’T PARK TOO CLOSE. I’M CHUNKY.” I appreciate the warning, but now I have questions about the required clearance and whether there’s an official government chart. Meanwhile, our sports picks have gone 1-2 for three straight days, making us the Pluto TV of sports wagering. Today we’re simplifying things: three teams, three moneylines, one instruction. DON’T LOSE.

Little League has changed. ESPN is telling me these kids’ favorite foods are Wagyu beef and Dubai chocolate, while at that age I was lucky if I didn’t accidentally eat the toy from the cereal box. Meanwhile, our picks have gone 1-2 again, tennis remains perfectly preserved at 0-1, and we’re heading back into the baseball grinder with Miami, the Dodgers and Milwaukee.

The kids have Dubai chocolate. We have three baseball picks and questionable judgment.

Football is back. Sort of. It’s preseason football, which is like saying the lettuce on my kitchen counter is farming. Technically accurate. I can spend three hours emotionally invested in a man whose LinkedIn profile may be updated before I finish breakfast. By the fourth quarter, I’m screaming for players I don’t even know. Welcome back, football. We’ve missed you. Yesterday’s sports mess? A 1-2 record that left me pondering the absurdity of betting on players who might be selling insurance by Labor Day. But today, we’re diving back in with picks that could make or break our week.

Dolly Parton knew what she was worth when Elvis Presley was standing on the other side of the deal. Colonel Tom Parker wanted half the publishing rights to “I Will Always Love You.” Dolly said no. Elvis never recorded it. Whitney Houston eventually did. Dolly kept her credit. That worked out okay.

Today we’re borrowing her lesson: Know your value. Which is convenient, because our “Winners Only” betting experiment just went 0-3 and has officially been escorted from the building.

Apparently lettuce is 95 percent water, nutritionally overrated, environmentally questionable and occasionally tries to poison us. Naturally, I learned all of this approximately 48 hours after buying a countertop machine specifically designed to grow it. Also, somehow we’re 4-0 over the last two days. The lettuce may be full of poop, but apparently the picks aren’t. Yet.